www.craven-community.com

A recent news item in The Craven Herald shed an incredible amount of light on the purchase of land by H.M.L. in Skipton. It emerged that the land which was valued at £1.3M had been sold at a knockdown £840K, the reason given being that "At that time the main objective in disposing the land was to retain HML and all the economic and social benefits it brings to Craven."

At least the Council Leader recognised that what had happened 'may not have been legal', but dismissed it as a 'technical hitch', which should be overlooked.

So, was it illegal or not? If it was illegal, will heads roll? Where do Councillors stand if they vote through something which they believe (or know) to be illegal?

Is there any more land going at 'mates rates'?

After the recent uproar surrounding the accidental revealing of one of Craven District Council's more audacious plans for our area, namely the Leeds City Growth Point initiative, and the extent to which we were already 'signed up', it has become apparent that local residents are quick to mobilise in such circumstances.

As a resident of South Craven myself, it would be nice to get a public reassurance from the C.D.C. that we are not already exposed to more of these bizarre schemes. At the end of the day, it doesn't take a genius to realise that Sutton-in-Craven, Cross Hills or any other local village is not 'part of Leeds'. A quick look at a map would confirm this.

Whatever the motivations of the Craven District Council were in this case, it certainly hasn't raised my confidence in their decisions.

OK, I'll get my coat... it's the one stuffed with plain brown envelopes...

In the run up to the American Presidential Elections, it's becoming apparent that Alaska's "hottest hockey mom" Sarah Palin is following in George Bush's footsteps when it comes to demonstrating her grasp of the spoken word. When answering what on the surface seem to be fairly simple questions such as "Which magazines do you read?" the lovely Sarah seems perplexed, rather like a moose caught in her own headlights, before blurting out a series of rather unconvincing and in some cases incoherent answers.

Needless to say, this unfortunate trait has been seized upon by the Press, who seem to be having a field day. To add to her woes, the inevitable 'parody' website has sprung up, which uses state-of-the-art 'artificial ineptitude technology' to generate rambling, incomprehensible answers to even the simplest of questions.

The site in question is here: http://interviewpalin.com

To find out exactly which magazines Sarah reads, just watch the movie below.

Are you any the wiser? It's all worrying stuff...

Martin.

With the onset of autumn and dark evenings, we bovines start leaving the fields behind and moving indoors. This can provoke panic in the local human population, as we sometimes turn up in their homes rather than our own. One reason that they panic is that there is a popularly held belief that if a cow gets upstairs in your home, it can't get back down without expert help.

The truth is that we do find stairs easy to climb, but the thought of coming back down is a bit scary to us. However, we can do it slowly and on shallow gradients, so it might be worth allowing us a couple of days to try.

However, if you can't live with the idea of a cow being stuck halfway down your stairs for a day or two, then you probably should seek help. There are several bovine descending services to choose from, but one of the best is Bovine Descenders ( http://www.hyperactive-stage.co.uk/bovinedescenders/ ). They are experienced in descending cows from any height in complete safety, and well worth a call.

Their services are also available should you wish to take your cow underground during the summer months, on a caving trip for example. They will descend your cow safely to any depth. However, they do point out that the services of a bovine ascending company will be required to return your cow to ground level.

Shadow - the gentle bovine.

Ladies, are you worried that everything is starting to 'go south' and may need a little support? Then fear not. Your intrepid bovine reporter Shadow found the following news release whilst grazing on the web today....

Ogletown, DE- When it comes to udders, American cows get a T rating (for titanic) at least in cup size. According to a survey by Merrill Lynch ("We're Bullish on America") almost 44% of American cows now wear bras. The bovine brassieres are manufactured by a Twin Peaks, California company called Bovine Udder Bras Amalgamated (BUBA) which reported profits of over $36 million dollars last year.

Farmers continue to complain about this latest fashion trend citing the time it takes before and after milking to unhook and rehook the bras to the udder. "It cuts down on our productivity and besides we like to see them swinging those loaded cannons when they come into the barn. Now with them holstered we ain't getting titillated no more. It's just another boring day in the milking parlor for us with these prudish cows," said unhappy farmer Dick Wacker.

In addition, the survey showed that 42% of the cows thought their udders were pear shaped, 40% said they were pendulous, and 18% said they looked like milk bags. The survey concluded that cows are getting more modest about their private parts as they enter the 21st century. A majority would even consider stepping into underwear and lingerie when they hit the market!

Will they catch on in The Dales? Who knows?

Shadow would like to give credit for this article to David Wyder of Daily Cow. http://www.scribd.com/groups/view/2158-daily-cow

I wouldn't have liked to have found this one in my holiday snaps. Hopefully it had already eaten.

Martin.

Horse trials cancelled - The summer's wet weather has claimed another casualty. [Craven Herald]

Why not just cancel summer and have done with it?